Three and a half years ago, I entered college as a sarcastic (and hilarious) and capricious individual who, more oft than not, overestimated the humor in his jokes. As of today, not much has changed, except that I don’t mind showing off my lithe figure in tight-fitting clothing:

Graceful, no?

Beyond my heightened self-awarenessobsession, there have been a few things about me that have changed over the years. For example, I used to think Lance Armstrong raced clean.

I had never seen The Godfather.

“You hadn’t seen The Godfather?!?!?!?!”

No, I hadn’t seen The Godfather. But I’ve seen it now, and I’m a better man Don for it.

I used to worry about what people thought of me. Now I just worry about what people think of what I think of them. Only good things, I swear.

It was a time of naïveté; a time of innocence <wipes a solitary tear from his eye>.

Now that college is almost done, I feel like I’m ready to move on with my life. I feel ready to find gainful employment. I feel ready to establish myself as a professional. I feel ready for my mid-life crisis when I decide I really need that new BMW M5 (or the Mars Rover v12 if I decide to get off Earth).

Mars Rover v1. v12 will feature bluetooth capabilities, heated seats, and radiation dampers.

I can’t wait to have a bazillion (10⁸) bicycles cluttering up my garage and have various cycling-related accoutrements lying around my house/apartment/condo/house boat. I can’t wait to have children. Ha! Just kidding, I’m not having children for at least 10 years! I also can’t wait to set up my 401k.

There are so many facets of the post-collegiate experience that appeal to me: the income, the financial independence, the adult day-care, the fancy ties and subtle lies (hmmm that rhymed),

The smooth sailing,
the high railing;
The awkward talks,
the pleasant walks.

It’s the life, you see?
with you and me;
We will dance and sing,
and life will have a merry ring.

Ring. Ring. Ring. RING!! Ah I apologize, that is the telephone, no doubt a premier cyclist on the line waiting with bated breath for my thoughts on training and general sports physiology. Please, allow my butler, Gerard, to show you out. Have a nice morning/afternoon/evening and we’ll see each other again next Monday, I hope? Same time? Excellent.